Hold Your Own
by emilykmx3
Summary: Post Undercover. What happens if Olivia was actually raped while undercover? Who will be there to pick up the pieces, in more ways than she thought, from a person she least expected?
1. And Go, Your Own Way

**AN-This is my first SVU fanfic, so reviews would be greatly appreciated! I'm not sure if this will be a one-shot or have multiple chapters...you tell me!**

**Thanks.**

**Chapter One**

"You coming over tonight?" Olivia stood in her kitchen, opening a cabinet door to pull out a bottle of vodka. Balancing the phone against her ear, she waited for an answer from the other end of the phone as she walked into the living room.

Nothing. She was getting impatient. It wasn't like she had no other options for her need.

"Is that a no?"

"I'll be there." Finally, an answer.

"Ok," she concluded as she took a swig from the bottle in her hands, the taste burning against her throat the moment it made contact. "I'll leave my door unlocked. Be here in twenty minutes." Click. She hung up the phone and tossed it onto the sofa before either of them had a chance to say goodbye. She wanted this to stay sexual, not personal.

Olivia kept the bottle grasped in her hands as she walked across her living room into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, she took herself in. Her hair, flowing loosely against her shoulders in small curls. He liked her hair longer. He would never say it, but she could tell when his fingers would run through it as his lips grazed ferociously against her neck. She glanced at her outfit, or lack of. Where her fitting tank top met her red shorts, a small portion of her skin was exposed, making a small, healing bruise visible from their last escapade the night before.

Don't get her wrong, she liked it rough. It was all she knew after that day at Sealview. At the station, they tried getting her help since she refused to talk about what happened. She denied it, of course, and the uncontrollable resentment she began having towards everyone, especially Elliot, who spoke to her almost cost her the badge.

That was until she finally got the help she personally needed, from the person she least expected.

"Do you always have to drink before?" He was already inside her apartment as he spoke, a couple minutes early. He never seemed to follow her rules.

"My apartment, my terms." She took a final swig from the bottle in her hands before walking away to set it back onto the counter. "Listen, let's just get this over with." Olivia walked towards the man standing in her living room and pushed him onto the sofa, a little more forcefully than he was expecting.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" His hands ran up and down against her toned legs, squeezing them within his palms while his eyes ran the length of her body.

"No." She directed as she straddled him, interweaving their legs as she leaned forward to place a firm hand against his chest. "None of that." He moved his hands off of her legs and sat defeated, feeling the burn of his growing erection as she stood over him. "I don't have all night, it's almost two already, so when you're done with the personal crap, we can get started."

He tried to be sensual with her, ever since this started. Whatever _this_ was. He wasn't as comfortable with having casual sex with someone he admired so much, someone who meant so much to him. Every night they met, he tried to get on a deeper level with her, and every night he tried, he could tell she would get more irritated with his efforts each time.

So, that's when he did what he was told and shut the fuck up.

"Take off your shirt." Done. Her hands traced the outlines of his chest before reaching to her seams to take off her own tank top. He helped lift off her shirt, letting his hands play along her curves as he brought them back down to his side. She lowered herself onto his lap, purposely grinding her hips against his pelvis forcefully before completely situating herself on top of him. Their eyes avoided contact with one another's as the space between their lips diminished to nothing.

He was used to the taste of her, especially at this time of night, or morning technically. The alcohol was in full force, yet it failed to affect her mood anymore. At work, she put on her act, but at night, drunk or sober, she was a polar opposite. His tongue forcefully pushed her lips apart, searching every aspect of her mouth. Her hands remained on his shoulders for stability, as his fought to undo the clasp of her bra across her back. Once he succeeded, his hands immediately moved to caress her breasts, their lips never breaking. He could have sworn he heard a moan escape from her lips and into his mouth.

...but he would never call her out on it. She called the shots.

She knew that she had to regain control, so she stood up and removed the one article she had left on her body; her shorts. His eyes immediately searched along the curves of the naked body in front of him, the legs that were practically meshed with his own. This was the first time he got to see her, completely. Sure, _this _had been going on for almost a month, but she was never entirely exposed, standing right in front of him. Before, the room was dark, or she was lying helplessly beneath him. If this is what she considered regaining control, he had nothing to complain about.

She was mind-blowing, as beautiful as he could have imagined her to be.

It wasn't long before she was blushing, marking the second time this night that she let herself become more vulnerable towards him than any other night before this. His eyes searched to catch hers, trying to make that connection between the two of them that he had grown to long for. Not surprisingly, though, she turned and walked towards her bedroom before he got the chance. "Come in when you're ready to accept this for what it is."

Jumping off the sofa after her, he caught her arm just before she reached her door, pulling her back into his reach. With one small jump, her legs were locked around his now naked waist as he walked the two of them toward her bed. Their lips met again in a kiss that would have stopped his heart in its tracks if under different circumstances. He broke their bond and moved to her neck as he gently placed her on the bed, falling right on top of her. The beautiful, perfect body of hers underneath him arched its back while his lips formed a trail down her chest. Until this point each night, she was in control, and he wasn't ashamed to admit it. She had all the rules, and he did his best to follow. But from here on out, it was him who was in charge, and she knew that much as well.

"You're on top tonight." His words were harsh, reflecting the erection that was now slammed against her hip. She gave a small smirk before positioning herself perfectly on top of him, his tip rubbing against her entrance. That was all he needed as he bucked his hips, slamming into her with much more force than usual.

She arched her back in response, giving him a full view of her breasts. The sounds she made, the sounds she couldn't help but to scream out, was what he looked forward to the most every night he came by her apartment. As broken as she was, as stubborn as she was, she had entirely no control of what happened after he filled her. It was the only time she acted like _this_ meant something to her. He took what he could get.

"Fuck..." She breathed out desperately as their hips rocked together feverishly, finally agreeing on a pace to move to. His hands were held at her hips, giving her stability while she moved up and down on him. "You feel so go-good." It came out as a prolonged moan as she grabbed onto his hands, needing something to hold onto. He placed his hands on top of hers and squeezed them, and she reacted against the connection immediately. Her hands quickly moved onto his chest, scratching him, trying to keep up as he increased their pace. Small traces of blood followed wherever her nails stuck.

He ignored her protests and grabbed a hold of one of her hands, intertwining their fingers immediately while his other hand remained on her hip. She didn't let go, surprising him when she even increased the grip. Her lips opened as small cries came out, loud and lasting as he continued to meet her hips with his. Their eyes caught after she stopped their movements for a second, mainly so she could catch her breath, hands still intertwined. Her hips were still lightly grinding into his, never once allowing him to leave her hold.

"Let go for me." He growled, releasing his hand from hers and moving it to her breasts. He guided her hips with his other open hand, anxious to feel her move against him again. She would get her break soon enough. Her eyes were closed, head leaned back as more moans escaped her lips. He had been with her long enough to know when she was close to the edge. "Come on, baby." He was close too. He bucked his hips one last time, and that was it as he spilled into her. Her back arched again, screaming out before she fell on top of him. His hands moved to her back, pulling her close to him. Her head buried into his neck, and he could smell the soft scent of the shampoo she used. Not wanting her to get upset at him, he slipped himself out before rolling her over next to him.

For a minute, one of her hands traced small circles on his chest, almost admiringly. A smile formed across his lips.

"I could stay tonight if you wanted." _Shit_. He shouldn't have said anything. She got up from the bed instantly and grabbed the robe that hung on a hook on the bathroom door. He was there to make her forget, nothing more, at least in her opinion.

"No, I don't _want_."

"Ok." He slowly got up from the bed as well, defeated as he began grabbing his clothes from the floor before walking into the living room to get dressed. After putting her robe on, she followed him through the hallway in order to get back into the kitchen. He knew what she was heading for; she had the liquor bottle positioned at an angle above her face when he grabbed it away from her.

"You've had enough." She didn't fight him for once, glancing down at the floor as he placed the bottle back in its cabinet. "Hey..." he pulled her chin up to face him before kissing her on the lips. He deepened the kiss while his hands roamed underneath the robe she had on. "I'll see you in a few hours." And he was gone, as quickly as he came.

She walked back to her room and collapsed onto her bed, ready for another sleepless night. There was nothing that she wanted more than for him to stay the night, holding her tightly against his bare chest as they slept. She wanted nothing more than to feel his lips brush across her naked shoulders when the two of them woke up in the morning. She wanted nothing more than to feel him harden against her as they said their intimate "good mornings." She had already made up her mind, though, before this started between the two of them. It wasn't one of her rules.

A small, single tear rolled down her cheek after she turned off her light.

Elliot Stabler would never be around long enough at night to see her at her worst.


	2. You Know Nothing

**Hey guys, just wanted to let you all know I really appreciate the positive reviews! Like I said, this is my first SVU fanfic, so I'm glad people like it so far! Obviously, I've chosen to keep this as a multi-chapter story...instead of the one-shot I originally had planned. That being said, the rest of this story will basically focus on Elliot and Olivia with everyone else at the squad thrown in periodically. **

**For this chapter specifically, there are a couple of flashbacks showing how their "relationship" got to this point. All flashbacks are shown in **_**italics **_**to make it easier to understand.**

**More reviews are greatly appreciated!**

**-Em**

**----------  
**

**Chapter Two**

Elliot barely awoke as his alarm went off a short three hours after he had gotten back to his apartment from Olivia's. It took him longer than usual to pull himself out of bed. He wasn't exactly sure what was wrong; this was nowhere near the first time he saw Olivia in the middle of the night, only to see her again that very morning later at work. They were both getting very accustomed to their little secret.

How and why their secret started, though, is what Elliot was still trying to piece together.

"_Liv!" He followed her down the hallway, heading toward the elevators at the station. The moment she was in reach, he stretched for her shoulder for his hand to grasp onto, spinning her around to face him._

"_El, please, I just want to go home." Her eyes were threatening tears, but Olivia refused to let them fall. Not here. Out of all places, not here._

"_Tell me what happened down there tonight, please." She turned her face away, bringing one of her hands up to place against her forehead. "Liv, just tell me, so I can help you!" His voice was hardening. She was his parter, his, and they were supposed to be able to talk to each other. Olivia had been Elliot's partner for years, yet this was the first time she ever heard his voice sound so harsh. It killed him to see her in such pain. As soon as he reached to grab her hand from her face, she flinched and shoved him off, knocking him off guard._

"_All I need, is for you and everyone else here to leave me alone." _

_He didn't follow her as she ran off._

"Olivia, there's coffee and doughnuts in my office if you haven't eaten," Cragen said as he passed her getting off of the elevator.

"Thanks Captain, I'm okay." She gave him a small smile before the elevator door closed. Everyone had been especially kind to her, and she knew she didn't deserve it because of the way she treated them after what had happened last month. She had considered the idea that somehow, everyone knew; that was the reason they were all being so kind, so gentle.

She soon figured that wasn't possible, though. If Elliot had known, Harris would have been dead. The only people who knew what had happened in that basement were Cragen and Fin, and she intended to keep it that way. If she had it her way, the only person who would have known what had happened would be Fin, but she couldn't exactly keep a secret from her boss.

Elliot was already at his desk, coffee in hand, as he was looking over the files sprawled across it. He looked up when she came into view, locking eyes with her until she glanced off to the side, clearly avoiding him. He knew she had gotten no sleep after he left her earlier, she looked horrible.

"You look like hell." His eyes glanced back at the paper in front of him as the words came out of his mouth. He sure knew how to greet someone in the morning. Olivia sent a glare his way and said nothing back.

It wasn't like Elliot was just hooking up with his partner to take advantage of her. The minute Fin came back with Olivia from Sealview, Elliot was already bombarding him with questions about what had happened there. Fin wouldn't budge, and when Elliot went to Cragen, he got nothing from him either. He would have been okay with that, if Olivia planned to tell him about that day later on when she was ready. She still has not said a word to him about it, hiding behind what they did each night.

As close as they were when he was at her apartment each night, Elliot had never felt more disconnected from Olivia. He knew he could have pressed the issue, not letting her get away with not telling him, but it wasn't exactly easy with her new attitude. Not to mention, it wasn't long after that day that Kathy had kicked him out. She didn't want to talk about her problem, and he definitely didn't want to talk about his.

At least Olivia knew that Elliot and Kathy were separated, when Elliot had no idea what happened with her. In face, Olivia knew they were separated the day Kathy had handed him the divorce papers. He followed her lead, though, when it came to keeping their nights separate from their jobs during the day, doing exactly what she wanted.

"Anything going on this morning?" She was at least speaking to him, although her eyes still avoided his as she took a seat at her desk, immediately picking up a misplaced file.

"Nope. Looks like we get a small break.." He was still sorting through the pile of papers on his desk. "Well, if you call this a break."

"Should've done it earlier..." Her voice was so soft, he barely heard her response.

"Sorry, not everyone likes to stay here until midnight doing paperwork." He knew she was joking, sort of, so he tried keeping it going. Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say because she looked back at her computer without saying anything else to him.

"Hey, Liv, Elliot, you guys going for drinks later for Casey's birthday?" Munch asked as he came into the room.

"No, I'm going to head home early. Didn't get much sleep last night." Elliot turned his head toward Olivia, hoping she would look over and see the smirk across his face.

"What about you, Liv?"

"I might stop by, maybe for a drink or two." Elliot instantly glared in Olivia's direction, remembering exactly what had happened the last time a group from work went out to celebrate.

_Elliot walked out of the bar, heading up the small number of steps until he met the curb of the outside street. He looked both ways, scanning for which way she may have went. He was in the bathroom for barely five minutes, but she was gone before he got back to the table they were all sitting at. All she had told Casey was that she was tired and needed to sleep, but Elliot knew better. The old Olivia would never have left her friends just because she was tired. _

_Finally, he saw her, barefoot, carrying her shoes in her hand. "Liv!" He sprinted in her direction, surprised that she even knew where she was going. He was surprised she didn't begin to run herself, trying to get away from him. But he was the most surprised when she even turned around after he called her name. "Hey...you shouldn't be walking home by yourself." His hand reached for her face once he finally approached her, but she winced and quickly moved it away._

"_I can take care of myself, El." The tone in her voice was colder, unappreciative of the fact that he was just trying to help. He didn't know whether to blame her attitude on the large amount of alcohol she had just consumed, or on her overall attitude in general with everyone._

"_I never said you couldn't." He was getting sick of the way she had been speaking to him lately. _

"_Then stop babying me and just go home! Or back to the bar, I don't care! I don't need my own personal bodyguard!"_

"_No, you want to shut me out of whatever happened while you were undercover, fine!" He was almost screaming at her, getting in her face. He didn't care anymore, he had tried that and she always rejected. "But I'm not going to let you go off by yourself and get raped by some cre-" Her hand smacked across his cheek before he even had a chance to finish his sentence._

_Her chest was heaving up and down with anger, but she didn't run away like he expected her to. She stayed completely still, both of them confused by what had happened. The skin on his cheek was already reddening where her palm had made contact. His eyes searched hers immediately, contemplating whether or not to scream at her. If he hadn't known any better, he could have sworn her eyes were beginning to swell with tears. That, though, was behind the feelings of lust that were overpowering in her eyes as well as her own. He knew now that he wouldn't scream at her, wouldn't walk off in a rage._

_It didn't take long for his lips to capture her own. And it didn't take long for her to kiss back._

Olivia caught Elliot's gaze of disapproval and for once took his hint. "Actually, I should probably head home after work. I've got a doctor's appointment pretty early tomorrow morning." Lie.

"Doctor? For what?" Elliot's disapproving gaze immediately switched to a questioning one. He knew she wasn't sick, hell, he saw her at all hours of the day. He would be the first to know if something was wrong with her, or at least he hoped he would be. Then again, it wouldn't be the first time she kept secrets from him.

"You don't have to be sick to go to the doctor, El." Her eyes avoided his purposely as she glanced at her computer screen. "I've got a check up. No big deal." To her, nothing was a big deal. That was part of the problem. "Speaking of, I'm going to go remind Cap."

"Well okay, let me know if you change your mind." Munch shrugged his shoulders and headed off toward the elevators.

Olivia headed toward Don's office, her cheeks reddening as she felt his eyes burning into her back. She refused to look at him. Her knuckles tapped on the office door before he motioned her inside with a few fingers. "Olivia, what's up?"

"Hey, uh, I just wanted to remind you that I'd be late tomorrow mor-" She began struggling for her words before he cut her off with his hand.

"I know." She nodded, thankfully, toward him. "Just make sure you get your final report to me before you leave today."

"Of course." She was about to leave when she felt his hand graze her shoulder.

"Olivia. If you need tomorrow off after you're done, I understand." His voice was soft, but she could tell it pained him to speak about what had happened while she was undercover. Before he knew that she had been raped, he considered firing her for the attitude she had afterwards. Everything changed, though, when he got that first report from her. Now, he was set on ensuring that no one would hear about what had happened except for the few that already did.

"Trust me, I'd go crazier if I was stuck in my apartment all day." She tried to chuckle at the situation, even though she hated more than anything to talk about it. "I'm fine, Cap, I've been on that stand hundreds of times testifying against perps."

"This is different." His words were simple, but so true. "Just let me know if you change your mind."

"Ok." She whispered, as his hand left her shoulder, she turned towards the door. "Hey Cap?" He turned around immediately. "Thanks, for everything." He nodded in approval before she left and shut the door behind her.

He was right, _this_ trial, of course, would be different.


	3. I'm A Little Drunk, And I Need You Now

**Hey guys, surprisingly, I had an update for you tonight. I didn't think I would, but it was pretty easy to write once I started.**

**This ****entire chapter is a flashback****, leaving off from when Elliot kissed her outside of the bar. Ultimately, this is when their "secret" started. So, this is set about a week or so after Sealview. The present time in this fanfic, like said in the first chapter, is about a month after what happened there.**

**That being said, I don't own the characters of SVU, blah blah blah...I'm just finding it enjoyable to steal them away for a little bit. :p**

**Keep the reviews coming! I really enjoy the feedback. I'll try and have another chapter up in a day or so.**

**-Em**

**----------------**

"_Liv." It came out of his mouth as a harsh whisper while her lips were trailing down his now bare chest. For the past couple of days, Elliot could barely get Olivia to look at him, let alone talk to him without being screamed at. And now, they were both in her apartment, stumbling around the familiar atmosphere as their lips remained connected to any body part in reach. Lips, neck, chest, anything, they were crossing every forbidden line in the book, and he couldn't care less._

"_Just tell me you aren't with Kathy." She brought her face back up from his chest, dangerously close to his as her hands caressed his head. Her breaths were labored, soft and short, and her eyes were glued to his lips, only centimeters away, just waiting for that one worded answer out of his mouth. The only thing keeping her from devouring his mouth with her own again was the word, "no."_

_He could feel himself harden when he felt her lips accidentally grazed over his own. He wasn't sure who was teasing the other more, her by being this close to his face, or him as his erection was surely felt against her thigh. A small moan escaped her lips, feeling it in his mouth, and he could have released right there. Olivia Benson, his partner, his best friend, was just as turned on as he was. "I'm not with Kat-" He couldn't even finish his sentence before her lips were slanted over his ferociously. His hands, which had remained neutral since they arrived at her apartment, found the urge to snake up the back of her shirt, surprising both of them when he unhooked her bra._

_Her lips left his again when she began to unbutton her shirt, since Elliot had already taken care of her bra. His eyes locked with hers immediately, and his hands quickly moved hers out of the way to finish what she had started. Her heart felt as if it would explode out of her chest when he gently pulled the sleeves of her shirt down her arms. It wasn't until then that his eyes left hers. He stared at her, in complete disbelief while he discarded her bra as well. An intense chilling sensation flooded her body and the goosebumps lining her arms proved so. _

"_Olivia." He barely had the capability to choke her name out. "If you want me to stop, you have to tell me now." It was his turn to tease her. His hands were positioned on her bare waist, his face now being the one dangerously close to hers._

"_I need you." _

_That was all he needed. _

_Her voice was so soft, cracked, that he barley heard her response, but it worked for him. His lips captured hers immediately and his hands wasted no time. They roped around her waist, bringing her hips close to grind against his length. Her hands were fumbling with the button of his pants, clearly unstably. They were shaking so hard, Elliot was surprised she actually succeeded in her task. "Liv, it's okay." He mumbled against her lips as his hands steadied hers. He guided her hands with his own to his waistband, and together, they pulled on it to force his pants to the floor. _

_He didn't know what either of them were doing. He didn't understand how this could have come from her smacking him across the face, and he was positive she didn't understand either. He wasn't sure how this was going to be comprehended afterwards, for there was no going back now. This was, of course, the woman that was ultimately behind the destruction of his marriage. She was the one who he cared about, who he loved, and who he would do anything for to protect her. The one he couldn't stand to see hurting, the one that frustrated him more than words could ever describe on an almost daily basis. The almost entirely naked woman in front of him would most definitely engulf his entire world, especially after tonight._

_As her pants fell to the ground, her breath caught in her throat. Even with the alcohol burning in her blood stream, she knew this could only be wrong on so many levels. The look in his eyes, a mirror of her own desires, though, told her differently. She was about to sleep with her partner, who thankfully was at least separated from his wife. _

_Up until this point, they were both entirely gentle with each other. They both were careful in their prior movements, as if to give the other an excuse to make this stop. Now, all bets were off. They had gone too far. _

_His arms pulled her to him again, and she swore she would have a bruise from his bare length ramming into her thigh. He grabbed her waist forcefully and brought his lips back down to hers in a searing kiss. "Elliot..." She was already moaning quietly, mouth wide open as his tongue collided with her own. He felt his release dangerously near for the second time once he felt the heat radiating from between her legs. _

"_Jesus, Liv...so beautiful" And she was beautiful, so perfect, and he made sure she would know it. His lips ravished her neck and quickly moved down a trail to her breasts. He paid equal attention to each of them, letting his tongue circle each mound. Her hands were struggling to grab onto something to gain balance, and she had never wished that she was in a bed more than she did right now. With that, she leaned back, hitting a wall thankfully, as she was sure she would have collapsed in ecstasy if she had not have gotten some sort of stability while he continued his work on her exposed chest._

"_Elliot, please." Her voice was almost a whimper, pleading with him to stop, but not wanting him to at the same time. With her words, he brought his face back to hers, locking their eyes as a small smirk played across his lips. _

"_Bedroom." It was the most logical word she had heard come out of his mouth for as long as she could remember. He was done torturing her, for both of their sakes._

_He lifted her up before she could answer him, squeezing the back of her upper thighs while his lips found hers again. He carried her with ease over to her bed, the only obstacles being the other furniture in the room. Her hands ran through his hair, caressing his face with each chance she could. He placed her down briefly, their lips disconnecting for just a minute while he sat on her bed. _

_She stood still, her legs seeming to tower over him, and she got a clear view of how ready he really was. He took his hands and guided her hips closer to his, and she slowly sat down on top of him, his length entering her completely. "Fuck!" She hissed, her walls immediately clenching around him. He allowed himself to settle inside her and grabbed her waist once more when he began to move._

"_Fuck, Liv you're so tight..." He struggled to keep himself from exploding inside of her when they had just gotten started. He never imagined Olivia Benson sitting on top of him, meshing as one each time their hips met in a thrust. "You feel so good..."_

_Her eyes closed as he increased his pace, but he could tell this was hard for her. Without leaving her hold, they both fell back onto the bed, immediately making her more comfortable. He maneuvered on top of her and continued, receiving immediate moans from both of them._

"_Elliot!" She couldn't help but scream out, meeting his thrusts halfway, their hips slamming together more often than when they started. She knew she would be sore in the morning, but it didn't matter anymore. "El, I'm so clo-," She cried, her eyes were even beginning to develop tears, and he contemplated whether or not to stop, thinking he was hurting her. He got his answer, though, when the sounds escaping her lips continued._

"_Me too, baby, me too, just hold on..." He couldn't believe how incredible this felt, how different her sex was from when he was with Kathy. Everything about her was so amazingly perfect, and everything about this was equally so._

"_El, please," It was the second time he heard her plead for him that night. Her voice was cracking again, so he cut her off with a kiss, leaning down to reach her. Immediately, her arms tightened around his back, leaving scratches wherever her nails touched. It stung instantly because of the beads of sweat rolling down his back._

_He rocked his hips to hers as their lips remained attached. It wasn't long before he felt her walls tighten around him, pulsating as she reached her edge. She screamed his name again, riding out the waves of her orgasm. That was it for him, too, and she knew it. He grabbed one of her breasts as he felt himself spill into her, feeling as if he was about to fall on top of her, completely weakened._

_He remained inside of her for a considerable amount of time, not wanting this to end. They both knew that now that they had finished, they would both be forced to face what they had just done. A soft cry escaped her lips when he finally pulled out of her._

_As he hovered over her, he immediately felt as if he had just used his partner, and it disgusted him. This wasn't the Olivia he knew, and as amazing as that had just been, he knew whatever was going on with her was much deeper than what they just done. He knew it was consensual, but he also knew she was struggling to accept whatever had happened to her while she went undercover less than a week ago._

"_Olivi-" She cut him off before he could even say her full name._

"_Don't." Her eyes showed the confusion that was now taking over her emotions. "Maybe you should just go..." That was the last thing she said before leaping off her bead and heading into the bathroom, leaving a stunned, yet defeated Elliot behind on her bed._


	4. If It's a Broken Part, Replace It

**Hey guys,**

**Sorry for such the long wait for an update. I had much more homework this week than I thought I would end up with, so I finally got a break as of today. **

**No flashbacks in this chapter, but in italics, it's in Elliot's POV...but that's only for about three lines in the chapter.**

**I'll try and get another update up this weekend, but if I can't, it'll be sometime early this week..**

**-Em**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"I'm heading out." Olivia could barely get her coat on fast enough. She had been ready to leave work before she even got to the precinct this morning. Elliot looked up at her, waiting for the answer that Olivia already knew he was questioning for. "I'll see you tonight." Her voice was much softer, ensuring that no one else left in the squad room could hear. She was gone before he had a chance to say anything else.

He gave her a small smirk before turning his attention back to the paperwork in front of him. The pile that had been there this morning had diminished to almost nothing, a small prayer in the largest of sorts. He glanced back toward the hallway Olivia had just walked through, making sure she was out of sight. When he received his conformation, he reached over his desk and grabbed the file that was closed, on top of her keyboard.

_Cragen _was written across the front of the folder.

Curious, Elliot opened the cover of the file, and let out a small sigh of relief. He recognized the form right away as a case file. Between himself and Olivia, they had filled out thousands of them over the years, not exactly something to brag about, but he figured it was just another closed case. That was not what caught his attention, though. It was the name that was written next to the line for the lead detective assigned to the case that caught Elliot's eye right before he closed the file.

_Odafin Tutuola _

_Why the hell does Liv have Fin's case file? _

Elliot knew that he should have put the file back, knowing there had to be some explanation for this. Whatever the reason Olivia had one of Fin's cases, he knew it was none of his business.

But it was his business.

He saw the other line of the file that answered why she had Fin's case. Olivia Benson was listed as one of the witnesses for the prosecution.

For a second, Elliot forgot where he was, and he felt that all of the color had been drained from his face. The past month, Olivia treating him like he didn't exist, being so sharp with him that he barely understood her anymore. It was all because of this case, and he knew that for certain once he saw the name who was labeled as the defendant.

_Lowell Harris_

"Where's Fin?" Elliot stormed into Cragen's office, rage spilling over the entirety of his face. He could barely keep his composure. _How could no one tell me this? _

"Elliot, keep out of this!" Don barked, meeting him with just as much anger as soon as he saw the document Elliot was flaring in his right hand. _Cragen knows?!_

"Keep out of this?!" A sarcastic grin appeared across Elliot's face as he slammed the file onto the Captain's desk. "My fucking partner was _raped _by that sick, son-of-a-bitch, and not one person in this precinct thought to tell me?" His face was so red, he was surprised his fist didn't come into contact with Don's face. "Where the fuck was Fin, why wasn't he there?" The questions were flowing out of his mouth faster than he could control them.

"It was all a freak accident," Cragen's voice was calmer. "He got down there as soon as he could, and that's all I'm obliged to tell you." Elliot shook his head with a smug laugh before getting up to head towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"To get some answers, and if you can't give them to me, I'll go to the source."

"Don't..." Don grabbed his arm before he was able to open the door. "...do this, Elliot. She'll never forgive you for betraying her privacy and trust. That file wasn't yours to open." Elliot put his head down, staring at the ground below the both of them, pondering what to say next.

"And if I don't find out what happened, I'll never forgive myself for not being there." They both shared a brief moment of silence before Don sighed.

"Fin's in the cribs." Don seethed through his teeth. "Elliot do not make me intervene if you go up there. And don't make me regret telling you!"

Elliot left his office as quickly as he could and headed towards Fin. He was trying to force himself to not be angry, to believe the captain when he said it was all an accident; it wasn't working. It was _Olivia_, his _Liv_, and it all happened during an undercover operation that he knew was a horrible idea. When Olivia shut everyone out after Sealview, he always figured it was just small forms of sexual harassment by some of the guards; just touching or even groping.

But not _raping._

"Whoa, Stabler what the hell!" Fin rose from the cot immediately when Elliot ripped off the blanket on top of him. He stood up immediately, facing Elliot who was standing just inches away from him.

"I'm gonna ask you one more time." He was pointing a finger accusingly at Fin, his command coming out sharp. "What happened in that basement?"

"Back off, Elliot."

"Wrong answer." Elliot swung his arm until his fist hit Fin straight in the jaw. "Where the fuck were you, huh?" He was screaming at this point, just waiting for Cragen to come running in. "I've kept her safe for years, and the one time I count on you to protect her, you let her get raped?! I'd be pissed if she came out with a bloody lip, but you let that lowlife fuck rape Liv?!" It was Fin who reacted this time, taking the hand off of his jaw to punch Elliot just as he had done seconds earlier.

"How about you keep out of what you know nothing about! You weren't there!" Fin was shouting just as loudly as Elliot was. Elliot wiped the back of his hand across his nose while a smug grin crossed his face.

"No, see, that's not what I'm saying. The whole problem is that _you _weren't there for _her_." Fin lunged at him again right as Cragen came roaring through the doors.

"Elliot!" He pulled him away from Fin and tossed him towards the opposite wall. "You lay one more finger, or say one more thing, to anyone in this precinct tonight and you can consider yourself suspended!" It was Cragen's turn to point fingers, this time at Elliot. "Now get the hell out of here before I do something I regret!"

Elliot ran his hand across his lips before storming out of the room.

-----------

Olivia was sitting on her couch, picking at the chinese take-out container that she had brought home with her after work. It was later than she thought it was, but that may have been because of the nerves she had for the upcoming day. Being at court, seeing him again, was not exactly comforting. That was the main reason she told Elliot to come by tonight; she needed to let off as much stress as possible, and he had become quite good at making her do just that in the past month. As she turned to pull the blanket draped over her couch over her legs, her apartment door opened slowly while he walked inside.

"I was starting to think you wouldn't show." He almost lost it as soon as she stood up. She was completely undressed except for her bra and a pair of shorts, ready for what he would normally give her. Without another glance at her, he walked into her bedroom. "What's up with you?" She followed him in to her room only to be met with him in her doorway.

"Put this on." He shoved a t-shirt that he had taken from her dresser into her hands before walking past her to sit on the couch. His hands were clenched together as he stared straight ahead, not sure how he was going to say this without yelling.

"Elliot, what the hell is this all about?"

After a few moments, he got up from the couch and slowly walked towards her. She was still standing in the doorway of her bedroom, but he could tell she was nervous. And nervous she was, her heart was beating wildly against her chest. Putting his hands in his coat, he pulled out a piece of paper and placed it into her hands. He couldn't even look at her fully as he spoke."How could you not tell me?"

"Get out." She hissed at him through her teeth. There was no need for her to look down at the paper he had given to her to know what it was. Elliot didn't budge. "How dare you do this?" Her eyes began to swell with tears, and her heart was beating out of her chest. He didn't answer, and his eyes were staring straight into hers. The first sob left her throat, and the rest were uncontrollable as she began to break down in front of him. He was never supposed to know. She didn't want to tell him, especially not now.

And he was never supposed to see her like this. It was one of her rules.

There was a knot tangling in his stomach, but he didn't know whether to be insanely mad at her or to grab her, to tell her he was going to fix this, that she would be alright. He knew one thing, though, and that was she needed a shirt. "Here." He took the shirt he had given her out of her shaking hands and slid her arms into its sleeves. Tears that had fallen down her cheeks were wiped off as the shirt slipped over her head. The shirt was barely on completely before she collapsed into his chest, too exhausted to say anything.

After first resisting, he relaxed and held her small frame tightly against his. He rubbed his hands across the small of her back, anything to get her to stop shaking. The tears had stopped falling from her eyes drying out, but sobs were still finding their way out of her throat. "Liv..." Maybe the captain was right, maybe he shouldn't have come over here, maybe he shouldn't have ever picked up that file. Not knowing was almost better than seeing her so broken. "I'm so sorry." He could've sworn his own voice cracked, but he knew he couldn't let her know her being this way could kill him.

"I hate you..." Her voice trailed off to a whisper before her fists began to pound against his chest. "How could you read that?!? It was personal!" Her voice was back up to a scream as he fought to grab her flailing hands before they hit him again.

"Liv! Stop!" He finally had control of her hands, clenching her wrists with his own hands. "I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I'm sorry for not being there to keep you safe, but I'm not going to be sorry for reading that file." He was practically shaking her, trying to put some sense into her head. "I'm sorry for not being there..." She broke into another set of sobs as the words he said sunk in. He was right, and she knew it; if it were him with her, she would have never been out of his sights.

Elliot pulled her into him once more, this time walking them both towards her bedroom. He lifted her onto the bed and pulled the comforter over her legs. Without asking, he unbuttoned his shirt, taking it off before climbing into bed next to her. His hands immediately wrapped around her torso to pull her body into his. "Get some sleep, Liv...we've got to be at the court house by nine." She didn't even protest once he decided he was going to be there with her.

And for once, she did get some sleep, soundly against the arms of the man she never, until now, let stay the night.

* * *

**A/N---Thanks for reading! I kind of contemplated with where to go with this story, but I figured this chapter turned out appropriate. Reviews are always appreciated!**


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